Aparigraha and letting go sound simple in theory, but in practice, the things we hold on to most tightly are rarely things at all.
During the early weeks of COVID, we saw how toilet paper seemed to disappear from supermarket shelves everywhere. It wasn’t necessarily because of a shortage, but because fear had arrived. When we are afraid, one of our instincts can be to hold on. To make sure we have enough, and then a little more, just in case. That is one way of understanding Aparigraha.
It is often translated as non-hoarding, non-possessiveness or non-attachment. But it is not only about material things. We can also hold on to things that cannot be seen.
What Is Aparigraha?
In the Yoga Sutras, Aparigraha is the fifth of the Yamas, the ethical principles that form the foundation of the eight-limbed path.
Yoga Sutra 2.39
Aparigraha-sthairye janma-kathantā-sambodhah
‘When one is steadfast in non-possessiveness, the how and why of birth is understood.’
At a simple level, Aparigraha asks us to look at what we take and what we hold on to. And it is not only about material things. We can hold on to opinions, expectations, relationships, old stories and even our identity.
For me, that last one was the harder lesson.
Aparigraha and Letting Go of What We Used to Be
After completing my PhD and spending years as a university teacher in India, I found myself at home raising my children. I had consciously chosen that life, but I was still attached to my previous identity. When I eventually started thinking about returning to work, I found myself rejecting certain jobs because I felt they were beneath me. There was nothing wrong with those jobs, but because in my head I was still thinking:
I have a PhD. I was a university teacher. Surely I should be doing something else.
And then there was the worry about what people would think.
After a PhD, she is doing this? She is just a homemaker.
That word, just.
Looking back, I can see that I was holding on to a version of myself that no longer fitted my life. My education and my years of teaching were important. They still are. But they did not have to define what came next. That was where Aparigraha started to make sense to me.
We can hold on to old roles long after they have served their purpose. We can carry the person we used to be into a life that has already changed.
Letting go does not mean that the past was wrong. It simply means we do not have to keep carrying it in the same way.
What Does This Have to Do with the Nervous System?
We often talk about the nervous system through breath, movement and rest. But I also wonder how much energy we use trying to hold life together in a particular way.
Trying to be the person we think we should be. Trying to make our life look a certain way. Trying to hold on to an identity that no longer matches where we are.
I would squirm whenever someone asked me, ‘What do you do?’ Looking back, I could have simply said, ‘I look after my children and manage the house.’ But I heard the question differently. I felt as though they were asking, ‘So you are just a homemaker? What are you doing with your life?’
The interesting part is that the person asking probably had none of those intentions. They did not know my background or my previous roles. They were probably just making conversation. The judgement was largely happening in my own head.
I was still carrying an old idea of who I was and what made a person valuable. And because I was holding on to that identity, I found it difficult to be comfortable with the life I was actually living. Letting go of that previous identity did not happen overnight, and it certainly did not make everything easier. But it created some space.
Aparigraha has become a question I return to quite often now:
Do I really need to carry this anymore?
Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes it is no. And sometimes, simply asking the question through the lens of Aparigraha is enough to make me see things a little differently.
What is something you have been holding on to that you might be ready to let go of?
These five articles on the Yamas have been my attempt to explore them through my own ordinary life experiences. They are ancient teachings, but I keep finding them in very ordinary, everyday situations.
If you would like to explore the other Yamas, you can read them here, in order:
Ahimsa → Satya → Asteya → Brahmacharya