A few days ago, while driving my kids to school, I got a reminder of something we often forget about stress.
There were temporary traffic lights on a busy junction. It took me nearly eight minutes just to get close to the front of the queue. Finally, there were only two cars ahead of me.
I thought, ‘Good, we will make it through this light and get to school on time.’
Then a car came up on the right, used the turning lane to bypass the queue, cut in ahead and made it through the lights.
I had no option but to slow down, the signal turned red and we were stuck again.
Almost instantly, I could feel my body react, heart rate increased, breathing became faster, tension rose through my chest and shoulders. And I got angry.
What was interesting was that there was no actual danger, nobody was hurt, there was no life threatening emergency. Yet my body responded as though something important had been threatened. That moment was a live demonstration of nervous system regulation or rather, what happens when the nervous system takes over before the thinking mind even catches up.
Some years ago, I might have reacted differently. Perhaps a few choice words would have escaped my mouth.
This time, I simply noticed what was happening. I told my kids, ‘I can feel myself getting angry.’
I watched the sensations, took a few deeper breaths and then waited for the feeling to pass.
Why ‘Just Relax’ Does Not Work
The experience lasted only a few minutes, but it perfectly illustrates why so many people struggle when they’re told to ‘just relax.’ I couldn’t simply decide not to feel the anger and that’s something many of us misunderstand about stress. When the nervous system detects a threat, whether that’s a charging animal or a driver jumping the queue, it prepares the body to respond. The reaction happens far faster than conscious thought. It means that when someone says, ‘Just relax,’ they’re asking the thinking mind to control something that has already begun in the body.
Awareness helps.
Breathing helps.
Time helps.
But nervous system regulation is not about snapping your fingers and becoming calm. It’s about recognising what’s happening and supporting the body as it finds its way back to balance.
Finding The Way Back
For many of us, life has become one long queue-jumping driver after another. Emails, deadlines, family responsibilities, financial worries everything takes our attention. The body spends so much time preparing for the next threat that it forgets what safety feels like. That’s one of the reasons I created the Samagra Reset Circle.
A space to pause and reconnect with the body before stress becomes the default setting. Relaxation isn’t something we force, it’s something we allow when the body feels safe enough. Sometimes the lesson arrives not on a yoga mat, but while waiting at a red traffic light.