Have you ever noticed how one small mistake can stay with you for the rest of the day?
Not because of what actually happened, but because of what you said to yourself afterwards.
You should have known better.
Why do you always do this?
You’re so disorganised.
We often think calming the nervous system is about breathwork, movement or meditation. Those practices matter, but there is something that comes before all of them.
The relationship we have with ourselves. The stories we tell ourselves. The expectations we place on ourselves. The way we respond when life does not go to plan.
These are not just thoughts passing through our minds. They influence how we experience the world and our nervous system is constantly responding to those signals.
Long before neuroscience began exploring how our thoughts, emotions and perceptions influence our physiology, Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras offered a framework for reducing unnecessary suffering.
Ahimsa: The First Step on the Yogic Path
When many people hear the word yoga, they immediately think of physical postures, stretching and movement but in the traditional teachings, asana, the physical practice we commonly associate with yoga classes, is only one part of a much broader path.
The Yoga Sutras describe an eight-limbed path, known as Ashtanga Yoga, which guides us towards greater awareness and harmony. Before we reach asana, the third limb, there are the Yamas, ethical principles that shape the way we relate to ourselves and the world around us.
Ahimsa is the very first of these principles. The literal translation of Ahimsa is non-violence, but it’s deeper than that.
It comes before the Asana (postures)
Before the Pranayama (breathwork)
Before Dhyana (meditation)
Ahimsa: More Than Non-Violence
Yoga Sutra 2.35
Ahimsā-pratiṣthāyām tat-sannidhau vaira-tyāgaḥ
‘When one is established in non-violence, all hostility ceases.’
Most people understand Ahimsa as non-violence towards others but before it becomes something we offer the world, it begins with the way we treat ourselves.
It shows up in our internal conversations.
The way we respond when we make a mistake.
The standards we hold ourselves to.
The words we choose when we do not live up to our own expectations.
Self-criticism can often feel like motivation. We convince ourselves that being harsh will push us to do better, but constant inner conflict rarely creates lasting change. More often, it keeps the body in a state of tension and protection. What we rarely consider is how deeply self-compassion affects the nervous system. Being kind to yourself is not just a feel-good idea, it is one of the most powerful tools we have for nervous system regulation.
Why Self-Compassion Matters for the Nervous System
Our brains are constantly asking one simple question- Am I safe?
Physical danger is one way the brain detects threats but it also responds to how we interpret our experiences.
Persistent self-criticism, shame and feelings of not being good enough can contribute to a stress response, making it harder for the body to return to a settled state. Self-compassion interrupts that cycle.
The way we speak to ourselves becomes part of the environment our nervous system lives in.
Recently, during the school holidays, I stayed up later than usual with my children. We talked, laughed and completely lost track of time. The next morning I woke up feeling tired and sluggish. A few years ago, I would have spent the morning criticising myself.
‘You know better than this. You teach people about rest and you cannot even follow your own advice.’
Instead, I reminded myself that the evening had been full of fun, laughter and memories that will not last forever. Rather than adding another layer of guilt, I chose kindness. Nothing about the situation changed. I was still tired but my response to it changed.
This small shift did not remove the tiredness, but it stopped me from creating unnecessary suffering on top of it.
Ahimsa Is Not Letting Yourself Off the Hook
Sometimes people mistake self-kindness for lowering standards.Ahimsa does not ask us to avoid responsibility or ignore mistakes. It asks us to respond without violence.
There is a difference between saying:
‘I made a mistake.’
and
‘I am a mistake.’
One creates space for learning. The other creates shame.
Kindness is not the opposite of growth; it creates the conditions where growth becomes possible.
A Question to Carry With You
The next time your inner critic appears, ask yourself-
Would I speak to someone I love like this?
If the answer is no, perhaps that is your invitation to practise Ahimsa.
Just one thought at a time.
Because a calmer nervous system is not only built through the way we breathe.
It is also shaped by the way we speak to ourselves.